Mental health is a continuous battle, because of the stigma and shame associated with it. Due to this, sometimes it becomes hard to share your challenges in certain settings.
This past month I have been struggling to talk about how I've been feeling and not able to open up properly. Thankfully I have people in my life who understand the many moods I present and constantly reach out to me and check in on me.
Even with my small support system I found it difficult to express all that was troubling me. I was finding it difficult to be open about changes I wanted to make. I have been a people pleaser for so long that I didn't know how to say to those I love and some people I needed out of my life, "Hey, I just want to please me!"
You Need To Let It Out
“A feeling is no longer the same when it comes the second time. It dies through the awareness of its return. We become tired and weary of our feelings when they come too often and last too long.” Pascal Mercier
It built up and built up inside of me until I ended up blasting someone who was instrumental in all of the drama and pain I have had to face in my life over the past year. While I knew they were deserving of my anger, I always try to handle things more gently. I would prefer to ignore than to confront, but on this given occasion I wasn't playing nice.
I won't lie to you, when I had let it out I felt a sweet relief. I felt lighter, more relaxed. All of my problems weren't instantly fixed but I felt free. I had been carrying my frustration and disappointment from the situation for so long and to people please, had been pretending that it wasn't affecting me as severely as it was.
Holding back your feelings and not processing them can be so dangerous. I had been walking around feeling like someone was sitting on my chest. My anxiety was becoming worse, every attempt to sleep was cut short with me jumping out of my sleep to nightmares, and waking with tears in my eyes,while feeling extremely tired.
Be True To You
“Never apologize for showing your feelings. When you do, you are apologizing for the truth.” José N. Harris
I had been slowly hurting myself without even realizing it. When I allowed myself in those few minutes to be honest about what I felt and to share them honestly, I was finally able to escape my prison of pleasing everyone but myself.
I'm still not fully there yet, but each day I try to be a bit more me and pray the people I love will understand, appreciate and love me still.
Àṣẹ
Faith
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